Buaslbutterfly’s Blog

{November 15, 2010}   A True Gift

I gave birth to a beautiful 7 pound and 20 1/2 inch boy. His name is Colin. He is a beautiful boy and a gift. After years without being able to have sex with my husband I thought that this dream would never be achieved. The pregnancy wasn’t easy with my pelvic floor problems. Unlike most pregnant women, I experienced contractions (consistently and monitorable) for a month before delivering. This isn’t like the norm at all. I also had a cathedar for about a week because I had to strain in the bathtub to go and it was painful.
I had a cesarian, upon recomendation of my physical therapist. At first when the word c-section was brought up it was a big no. Then with all the things that occured at my end, I had to put it into consideration. I’m glad. My son is here and while I will never know what delivering a baby naturally is like. My baby is here and I don’t have to worry about perenial nerve damage, which with my pelvic floor condition is a definate concern. The Perenial Nerve Damage is from what I read a very painful condition that can happen during delivery.
For those whom have Vaginismus. Don’t give up hope. Keep the hope. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. It can happen. It is very achievable. The gift is well worth the work you put into getting there.


{November 30, 2009}   Vaginismus and Trying to Concieve

I had a physical therapy appointment this past weekend. I asked if I should have concerns about problems with pregnancy and my pelvic floor muscles. She told me that I should be looking to find a doctor whom would know about my condition, and someone whom would be willing to do a c-section. I wasn’t thinking of going the c-section route, but she told me what could happen if a c-section did not occur. I will be happy to have kids of my own, but I kind of had hoped that a c-section would be more of an emergency thing as opposed, to going about the whole process without thinking natural birth.
So now I have to share my story in person with another person.

One might think. She can write this stuff online, she is pretty open. I think its easier because you don’t see your audience and I chose what details to share. Whereas when your infront of another human being. They are right there and as you share your wondering what they are thinking. In reality I shouldn’t care what they think about my husband or I. So the phone and I will be using my free Monday to connect with someone for consult.

I have also learned about the importance of taking Folic Acid and prenatal vitamins. I have benefited from a family member whom needed a fertitly specialists support due to fibroids. So I have to up my sexual life to every other day. My husband and I still don’t have sex on any kind of regular basis. The past experience was okay until my husband moved my leg a certain way, which changed the direction he was pushing and caused excruiating pain. I felt bad screaming out loud, but the pain was sooo bad. I just asked that he talk to me when he wants to do things.

I wish I could say I could just hop into bed and everything was moving exactly like they show in the movies. It takes me a long time to be ready and then it it takes a long time just to relax. So for me the whole thing is a process. That is frustrating, but its nice to think that I’m at the point I am now. So my next path in this journey of healing is adding on trying to have a baby.

et cetera