Buaslbutterfly’s Blog

Over the past few years, ironically since having my son the pain rectally has increased.  A pain condition that has reared its head sporadically since college has returned with a vengeance.  Two trips to the ER and one that made me think “awh” an answer.  Instead a lot more questions and confusions for me as an individual. I wish to go back to the years before all this when pain wasn’t a part of my everyday existence. I’m use to 1-4 pains on a daily basis. I work through that.  

My pain level has gotten to a scale of 9 for me and is intolerable.  A trip to an OBGYN stated something that had been brought up by another OBGYN in the town I went to college for 4 years of my life. Endometriosis.  The OBGYN had mentioned birth control pills as one choice, surgery, and then hinted that having a baby often cures the condition. I’m sure they mean vaginal birth. Lol with my condition and how my muscles are.. While I would love and want nothing more than that experience. I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize the life of my next child (if I am so blessed to have another biologically speaking).  We tried the birth control and not to gross out but I bled for like 3 months (period -Day 1 level) with no real change in pain levels. So we stopped that.  

I believe birth control does work for some women. I’m happy for other women whom benefit from that. We tried several before giving up on that as an option.  Then the pain kind of went down to a 1.  I stopped the appointments and let it go. I forgot about it when it came back another year later with painful stabbing pain. Trips to the ER for tests and five weeks later down again. Things did slow down. Then I had my son.. Other than my rectal issues starting and then getting perpetually worse. The pelvic floor pain remained the same.

Then two weeks ago the same things took place.  Two trips to the ER. Pain so bad that I can’t work because the narcotics to lower the pain prevent anyone behind the wheel. Honestly due to knowing how much stuff needs to get done before the end of the school year, I am a fighter. If I could take the pain killers which bring it to a 4.I would be at work. As it is.. my husband doesn’t really want me to be home with my son. Not because he doesn’t trust me. But he feels that the medication is a concern. I agree and disagree. Its one of those things where I’m frustrated. If I am at home. I want to be doing something .. have responsibility of something. This laying around and not doing much is getting to me.

Okay.. I admit.. I’m a bit of the active person. Late nights .. early mornings. That is me.. If the sun is up.. I am up. I’ve tried napping multiple times. It isn’t me. Sitting on my butt (which can be painful) on its own experiment.  Is like a dentist appointment where they have to be drilled. Actually sign me up for that .. lol. Yep bed rest or whatever you want to call this.. The medication is well drying me nuts.

So the specialist visit basically said that the pain levels for the cyst doesn’t match the size.  Which I’m not a hundred precent surprised since I said it doesn’t match my chronic pain but matches things in the distant past.  Then the word endometriosis came back into the discussion.  So I’m to go to the gastro which was scheduled way before the whole pain started.  Then depending on everything. Surgery which sounded like a definite. 

That scares me.. Scares me for many reasons. Scared that it won’t show anything and it will be that constant question mark. Scared that it will and then what it means for other things. Then scared of problematic surgery.


et cetera