Buaslbutterfly’s Blog

{October 22, 2013}   John’s Hopkin’s And Update

So saw a physician’s assistant at John’s Hopkins OBGyn department. She told me that not only do I have the Vaginismus but have Vulyodania.  I am on creams and tons of new medications to try to treat the Vaginismus and Vulvodania. She did feel mine was more muscle related. What a surprise?!! Not really with physical therapy.

Things have gotten worse physically.  Rectally I’m in so much pain that it amazes me I make it beyond the bathroom door and manage to push through.  As my counselor says the rapes that occurred at a young age has probably made me a fighter and a person to never give up.  The muscles are soo tight that even the physical therapist comments about how even more tight I am. Which I don’t get why this happening.  Forget the tampons and pretty much about sex. I did push it once and regretted it afterwards. 

Right now I feel pretty crappy and I know I shouldn’t or told not to feel this way. But the word “Bad wife” comes into mind.  I really do feel bad.  My husband tries to tell me not to worry about it but I do.  Then bad Mom because when he wants to be held and sometimes if I’ve had a bad day with the rectal area. I just can’t do it.

Alas.. I see the Obgyn Friday again and give my response to the Botox. I think she was planning on doing it soon but I’m going to see about changing that time frame a little.

Awaiting a colonoscopy and if that doesn’t ring true with anything they are sending me to a specialist that deals with the pelvic floor muscle.  

Lots going on.


et cetera