Buaslbutterfly’s Blog

{March 29, 2013}   Frustrations and tears

I’m tired having to walk around and act like everything is fine. I’m tired having to try to find ways to bite or position myself to hide the moments that are the most painful. Some days, the toughest days I want to stay in bed all day. I have a job and a 2 year old. I can’t lay down and just shut out.
I’m looking into Botox. I’m realizing that along with body memories from PTSD, Vaginismus, that pelvic floor issues have created problems with anal fissures. So Im hoping and praying that it is something that will work. I must admit I have my concerns with it because I still feel its new. If the pelvic floor with anal fissures wasn’t getting worse I wouldn’t have been looking.
I guess family pushing me to do something. I’ve been told I don’t take care of myself or put myself first. Yes I know I have issues. It has been a rough year. The fissures only add to my problems.


Heather says:

Hi Buaslbutterfly. You have an excellent blog here and it is so informative about vaginismus. I suffered from primary vaginismus for my entire 11 year relationship/marriage. I tried using the dilators on my own but could never insert them at all and could not even insert a q-tip without the pain/burning feeling. I ended up researching Botox for Vaginismus and underwent the procedure with Dr. Pacik in NH. This was 2 years ago in 2011 and it was the best decision that I ever made. I woke up from the procedure with the dilator in place and this was the first time something had ever been inside of me pain-free. Thereafter, I practiced inserting, removing, and reinserting the dilators of all sizes right along with my husband. On day 2, I did the same and also underwent sex counseling on tips for transitioning to intercourse. Thereafter, 7 days post-procedure, I dilated for 2+ hours and we then transitioned to intercourse for the first time in our entire marriage. I would be happy to answer any questions at all that you have about this procedure and would highly recommend it as it works so, so well. Take care and sending positive thoughts your way.

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