Buaslbutterfly’s Blog

{January 24, 2010}   A Trip to the ER

On Friday, I discovered I was getting stabbing pains in my stomach. Part me thought (possible muscle spasms, but the other part thought miscarriage). After prompting from my husband I called the doctors office to see if I could get in to see the doctor. They were closed, but I could see if I could get into see the Doctors on Saturday. The only problem was the pain was getting worse as the day went, and I had a physical therapy appointment 2 hours away scheduled. If I canceled the appointment, I would owe money. Especially since, I had to cancel twice due to the swine flu with no charge.

I asked the nurse, if the pain is something I should wait with a pregnancy. She asked me to describe it and stated that a trip to the ER to just check, might not be a bad idea. So when I met my husband later that night we headed to the hospital. For the first time ever, the doctor was the first person I saw when I got into a room. Usually this isn’t the case, prior to knowing about pelvic floor spasms, I had made trips thinking I had a whole bunch of other things. Only to realize now that I digging up the wrong pile of tests.

The doctor said she wanted to do a pelvic exam and possibly an ultrasound. I explained to the one nurse after getting changed into a gown, that I had vaginismus. She had me tell one of the guy nurses (which I’m not sure why). She stated I should inform him, but he was never involved with any of the processes. Right in front of me, they had a discussion about the fact that they had heard the term, maybe seen one other patient, but didn’t understand it. This was comforting, not really.

The ER doctor, was a lady, and she said to me that if “I only relax things will be a lot easier”. Um. with Vaginismus that is really hard to control. This pap smear was extremely painful. I’m not sure if it was the vaginismus or related to the pain, but I screamed. The doctor looked at me like I was some kind of baby. Oh well. I tried hard to hold it in, but it hurt. The good news that I heard from all of that was that my cervix was closed. If it was open then it might be sign of a miscarriage.

I went for an ultrasound. I am approximately 4 weeks pregnant based off my last period. They were not able to see signs of the pregnancy due to the cell count. So I am to go see my GYN on Monday or Tuesday to get another ultrasound. There were three possibilities : a) constitpation b) appendicitis (which they weren’t really thinking this direction) c) a tubal pregnancy. I really hope this isn’t a tubal pregnancy, because there goes all my hopes of seeing this pregnancy to sucess.

Right now I’m trying to have positive thoughts. The pain comes and goes, but I just have to push on through. I’m thinking it is more pelvic floor muscles or constitpation. I’m hoping that is all. Please pray for my husband and I that it is not a tubal pregnancy.


I can’t believe I saw what I saw this morning. I took one of those over the counter pregnancy tests with little expectations of seeing anything. Two lines came up immediately. I didn’t have to wait more than a second to discover that I was or am pregnant. So that is the good news. I figured since my name is not attached to the blog, that I could type this. We are planning to wait to tell everyone, but I couldn’t help sharing it on here.

So now I need to make sure I get an appointment scheduled with the person in Philadelphia.

{January 19, 2010}   Terrified of neighbor

I have never feared my home situation the way I do now. My neighbors have taken the title “Neighbors From Hell!”. They don’t respect anyone. They are voliatle. When I bought my first house I thought the neighborhood looked safe and beautiful. My trust level and security is lower than most. I have a severe fear of rape due to my past and the Vaginismus intensifies this fear. I have repeated dreams of a Foster Cousin of mine seeing me in the city and attacking. In my nightmare he can’t insert so he pulls a knife to cut an entrance and I wake up with being cold to the bone and tears in my eyes. Our neighbors own a dog that defecates routinely in our yard. This would not bother my husband and I if they picked up after it. They don’t! We were told we needed photos of the dog on our property. My husband asked me to keep watch. Since I had Martin Luther King Day off, I managed to get shot of their two dogs tramping in our yard. When going outside to my car to get something, the husband walked to the house door. He repeatedly walked back and forth our door and peered in our family room window in an aggitated state. My husband has had cigarette smoke blown in his face. This neighbor has quite a temper. I had no cell phone, no coat, and no way of calling my husband. He began to scream while approaching me. I got in my car and drove. I don’t know what to do! Living in fear is not healthy! Need to calm down!

{January 10, 2010}   Sucessful GYN

I went to see the GYN. I told the person I had Vaginismus. The person I saw was wonderful. She is a CRNP ( Certfied Registered Nurse Practicioner). She talked me thru the process and asked me how I was doing. She used the smallest speculum they had. I had a sucessful Pap Smear. The person gave us a name of a specialist in Vaginismus in Philadelphia. She also gave us a prescription for Estrogen Cream. I didn’t even know there were Specialists who specialized in this field in Pennsylvania. So the appointment was a sucessful! I will have results in 3 to 5 weeks!

{January 3, 2010}   Keep on treading

I put our progress on trying for a child on hold during my monthly visitor. We were at my parents house for the holidays and was worried about the bed. Yesterday, was the first day after a week and a half an attempt was made. It was very painful and the burning was there. I am not really worried because we gave it another try the following morning. I think I may have problems with personal lubrication . I don’t feel my body reacts the way other girls do.
As I laid in bed my hubby states ” I must be a horrible lover because your body doesn’t want me”. I asked what he meant, but I knew he was reffering to the lack of personal lubrication. This I know is connected to my past. This discussion has come up in counseling session.
Hence the homework assignment on self soothing. I am to try including it into my schedule once every two weeks, meanwhile K y Jelly is getting loads of money from me.

et cetera